Valentines Day

I have a love-hate relationship with Valentines day. I love everyone expressing their love with gifts and I have to admit that I love the Valentines cards and candy hearts themselves. I bought my babies their Valentines day things and I honestly can't wait to give them to them! They are only 1 and 2, but who doesn't LOVE stuffed animals and chocolate. I even got them each a box of valentines to color for grandma, aunt, their little friends etc. I got confetti cake and red and pink sprinkles to make a cake.... and I already have a heart-shaped pancake dinner planned! It is going to be great and I can't wait!

We are making Valentines Bags at work and have them displayed on a wall at the hospital. It is so much fun! Co-workers and our little patients have already started filling the bags for the people that they love. I get all giddy about it.. I LOVE every moment of it. I absolutely LOVE arts and crafts and I have great memories of doing this in school, and as an adult... it is still fun! These bags bring back so many fond memories, but they also bring back to mind the unnecessary pain that Valentines Day can bring. Oh the competition of it all. I remember sitting in school watching the other kids get flowers and balloons delivered to school. I knew my mother couldn't afford it, so it didn't bother me that much. She cared for us just the same. They would look around, with all eyes on them as they opened the card, blushed and displayed it for all to see at the corner of their desk. This only worsened in middle school and high school as we all wanted desperately to be in a couple. Everything surrounded who's boyfriend did what, and who had the best/most romantic gift... you would wait all day to see when it was going to happen. The school even had fund-raisers where you could pay $2.00 to have a special valentine delivered to your friends. I always had a boyfriend for valentines day and I remember feeling the competition between coupes. I can only imagine the feelings of those that were single for Valentines day. IN MIDDLE SCHOOL!! Yes I am serious! And it is almost like we were taught to feel sorry for them.


I sat with my husband talking about our Valentines Day Plans... He knows I will be "One of those mothers" that always sends something for them to the school. And the truth is I will be... I want them to feel what I didn't always get to feel. I want them to know that I love them and that I am always their biggest fan.... and I LOVE doing it! I will cut their sandwiches into hearts and leave them notes in their lunch (not only on valentines day) and do anything that I can to let them know that they are special to me. I want them to have a good self-esteem; although it is a little silly that a holiday can play so much into it. Being a mother now, I can't help but think about the kids that get left out. It takes me back to my first (and saddest) memories of Valentines Day. First Grade. We spent all day making our valentine boxes for our party later that week. They went onto the backs of our chairs. We all got lists sent home with us with each childs name on them, I remember buying Valentines and sitting at home filling them out and putting so much thought into which friend was going to get each one. Then I got to Chris. No one liked him. He smelled bad and no one played with him. I didn't want to give him a Valentine. I remember asking my mom if I had to give him one... even crossing him off of my list of people to give one to. Of course she said that I had to give one to everyone or I couldn't bring any at all, so I picked out my least favorite and gave it to him. I remember writing my name really messy because I didn't want him to think that I liked him. How awful! Tears fill my eyes now as I sit and write this. This is someones baby. I can't imaging how I would feel if I were his mother, or how I would feel if I were him. Chris didn't get as many Valentines as everyone else did at the party. He looked sad, but never said anything.... and neither did I. I remember being glad that I contributed to the number of Valentines that he did get, but also hoping that he couldn't tell that it was me that gave it to him. My little first grade heart just didn't understand at the time. Your early experiences set so much for you in life. I hope to teach my children compassion... to love everyone because Jesus does. I can't imagine being so young and living out life in a world where no one shows you any kindness. 


I never knew what happened to Chris. He moved away and it was almost like he was never there. But he is here with me now... a memory that is shaping the way that I choose to parent. A story that I plan on sharing with my children when they are older. I only wish that he knew now that I care. I may not have then... but I do now. And I am sorry.