No, I promise I am not really a hoarder! My home is not pile after pile of crap with food everywhere and paths to navigate through.... I am only saying that I struggle with getting rid of THINGS. I am not sure really where it came from. And that is only compounded by the fact that I keep EVERYTHING... which was all fine and good until the children started coming! LOL. My husband and I joke about it quite frequently. He is trained well... he knows not to throw anything away that could in some fashion be thought of as a keepsake of any kind! ( he is a really good husband) I realize that I am creating a huge amount of "stuff" to store and keep, so I try to organize and minimize as much as I can stand it. I scrapbook--- which I love and that is actually neatly organized with all of the keepsakes and pictures and papers and stickers, all tucked into the ugliest cabinet/ 5 dresser drawer combo unit that you can imagine. Their baby clothes that the kids wore all of the time I am making into blankets--- which will be great--- once they are put together all of the way.... until then there are just totes of keepsake clothes and yet another "project" that I have. Where in the world did all of this come from? I mean.. I even do it with my clothes! I guarantee that I have some clothes from at least high school! I still have boxes in my garage from the first time I moved out of my parents house! I have just always HATED throwing anything away. I feel like I am wasteing it.
My Aunt Sassy could share her story with you about her helping me move once. She packed up my bathroom and I SWEAR she packed three boxes of just lotion, body spray and cosmetics! ( this was also in my defense about 8 years ago when Bath and Body Works had just became popular and the "It" gift of the year was bath sets) We had a good laugh and I promised to not buy any more until all of my other stuff was gone! (and then it took me another move before I actually threw it all away)
We donate to Goodwill actually quite frequently. I always have. I am just by nature an Agonizer. I agonize about every decision that you can think possible. My husband hates it! This Agonizing is only compounded by the constant thoughts I get when going through things that maybe other people could use it.. or maybe I could repurpose it in some way... I am way too creative at times! I just rarely have the time anymore to follow through with anything! And going through the boxes in the garage of the things that I haven't seen in a long time (from high school etc) is aweful. I start out pretty good... but lets face it... I am also a reminisser... I look at pictures and notes and stuff that I had and remember the times--- what life was like then--- how I though and how this particular item made me feel... and then I agonize about what to do with it now! Torture!! ( I am sure some of you are reading this and thinking that I am really messed up! It really isn't THAT bad-- I promise...)
I have never claimed to be the neatest person in the world (with the one exception of growing up in the same room with my neat-freak sister--- I may at one time or another--- have suggested that the problem with our messy room may have been her too--- which I seriously doubt now) (our good friends will get a kick out of that one) My house is an organized mess at times. Almost never completely clean... mainly just lived in. It is amazing to me how fast with little ones that things pile up on every open space possible... first bottles then sippy cups and then diaper and wipe stashes and I know I at least have four diaper bags that are all in different places in the house.
I blog about this now because I am really pushing myself to get rid of things. Maybe it's spring cleaning, maybe it's an eventual move to a smaller home, I just feel like I need to. When did all of the stuff become so important to me? I definetly have sentimental attachment to TONS of things! I feel like everything reminds me of something! lol. My job has to play a part too. I am constantly reminded of how short and unpromised tomorrow really could be... so I try and capture every moment... just in case. I absolutely love looking at pictures too. Every bit of it. Memory is so funny to me. I look back at pictures of my babies (from not that long ago even) and I am dumbfounded about how much I actually don't recall by just closing my eyes and thinking about it. "Were Brayden's cheeks really that fat?" -- most of what I remember is how small he was. And I am not going to lie... IT SCARES ME! I don't ever want to forget....any of it. I am terrified that I or my husband may have alzheimers disease one day... or something may happen to one of us and we would gradually forget what the other person was like. ---- ugh... crying now... for no good reason. I can't help but think of things... something happens when you become a mother.
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