“We'll be Friends Forever, won't we, Pooh?' asked Piglet.

This is what I hope my kids remember of their childhood-- Always and Forever. I have told Brayden since Addison came along that "sissy is your best friend", hoping that it would just stick. They are getting to a point now that they can actually play together and enjoy each other. (not that they do consistantly--- but hey.... I am not is some dream lollypop land and never expected for them to not fight. ) And boy do they fight! The scream back and forth at each other --- Brayden, "No Sissy, No" and Addison (who can barely speak anything) manages to scream out "No, No, No, Bray".  They are both very dramatic and love to get each other in trouble. But those few and far between moments when they really play nice together, and hug and kiss and tickle each other, giggleing back and forth is more than enough to make your heart melt for their love for one another.  Brayden has actually said on more than one occasion, "Mommy, I love Sissy... she is my best friend." And I love every moment of it. They are really into holding hands righ now. Brayden takes Addison by the hand and leads her around the house. (At least that's how it starts before he is dragging her down the hallway by the hand screaming "run faster sissy") The road they are walking down, I walked down myself in my childhood (not hand in hand with my sister.... we would never have done anything like that--- probably why I really do want them to be affectionate--- we love each other, we just weren't raised to show it in that way) I just long for them to be close. Here are a couple of quotes that I ran across about siblings that I have decided that I love. :) ( I couldn't help but to include Winnie the Pooh-- I love that bear!"

" Siblings by nature, friends because mommy said so." -- Unknown
" A sister is like having a best friend that you can't get rid of" -- Unknown

“We'll be Friends Forever, won't we, Pooh?' asked Piglet.
Even longer,' Pooh answered.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.”
― A.A. Milne

Contemplating a trip to the Grocery Store

Why is it that only a few grocery stores have carts designed to accommodate more than one infant/toddler? It is generally how I make my decision of where to shop... honestly. If I am alone with both kids, it's always Crest; where each cart has the capability of restraining both of my children without them having direct access to the groceries. And, many times there is a little car attached to the front-- where they can actually entertain themselves and allow me to shop without total chaos. (not that it ever is completely avoidable) Yes.... I am aware, shoppers with no children... they are bulky and hard at times to maneuver.... but you will deal with it.. just as I do. Come on Walmart--- get some more mommy carts! Most stores only have a few carts per store that have the square thing attached to it where children can sit in and be strapped. I am thankful that mine are a little older now, because putting an infant in it would completely be a no go. How hard would it be to get the carts with seating for two? I just don't know how people with twins under the age of four get by (grocery shopping that is).  I will never understand why they don't make it easier for mommies to shop. After all... we are the shoppers, the makers of lists, the ones who shop the most!

I remember my first trip to the grocery store as a mother of two small children (both under the age of 2). I got out of the car, put Addison in her car seat at the top of the cart, loaded my diaper bags and purse under the cart, unloaded Brayden (who up until this time had always been bubble-protected complete with a cart cover in the top seat) and put down a blanket and put him in the bottom part of the basket. It just didn't feel right.... I stressed about not having every square inch of the cart covered so he couldn't lick it! I kept thinking about all of the germs in a shopping cart. Oh and Chicken.... what if someone didn't wrap their chicken up and it got a hole in it and its chicken juices were in the cart, where I just put my sweet little 17 month old? We really needed food though... I was out of everything... and desperately needed milk and diapers. Tears already rolling down my face, I pushed my cart into the entryway. Then it hit me... CRAP... where do I put all of my groceries?!? I can do this... I know I can do this... It is just a grocery store Tiffany... millions of people make this trip everyday. I started with the diapers. I need these. I will buy the things I can't possibly put off any longer first. I grabbed one case of each size I needed. ( I had diapers in the trunk of my car that needed to be exchanged for a different size for Addison. That mission had been completely aborted in the parking lot. It just wasn't in the cards today...) I stashed one case under the cart with both diaper bags and my purse. The second one wouldn't fit. I had to put it in the cart with Brayden. Okay... it's a box. He can't hurt or open it. It will be ok. And then it happened... he saw me, bending to put them in with him. He wanted me to hold him... and carry him. I tried to not make eye contact with him. (because maybe he would just start playing with the box or something... or if I don't look directly at him, maybe he can't see me). Wrong... so I picked him up. It is really hard to push a heavy cart, that you can't really see over because you aren't tall enough with the car seat on the top, through the isles of walmart. MILK.... if I can just make it to the milk. ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE STORE. So we begin our journey.... and then Addison starts crying. Oh no! I pull over the buggie the best I can. Already there are people who are trying to get around me. I am now in the grocery section, where I am realizing there is no good place to pull over. The diaper area was so much safer feeling and more secluded. Everyone there looked at us nicer. Brayden's meltdown in the diaper section was almost private feeling. The people that did look over gave glances of encouragement. They understood. Only their baby wasn't freaking out at the moment... or they had been lucky enough to make it out of their house alone. NOT in the grocery area. I put Brayden back into the bottom of the cart to make Addison a bottle. Now they are both freaking out. Awesome. I fumbled around trying to get the diaper bag out to make her a bottle. Where on earth is my bottled water? I get out the second diaper bag... by now lots of people are trying to get around me.. or reach behind me for groceries... and EVERYONE is staring. Everyone. I finally pick up and move over into a safer area directly across from grocery... ahh the clothing section. Where people aren't so unforgiving. I make Addison a bottle and try to feed it to her and maneuver us back to the milk. I decided I couldn't hold Brayden and feed Addison. Brayden didn't understand this and continued to cry, despite me throwing every toy I had brought into the cart with him. I can see the milk. The only thing stopping me now was stopping to pick up the toys that Brayden is throwing angrily our of the cart.  I grabbed the first milk I came to. There was no looking over the entire milk section and selecting the one that had the expiration date furthest from today. I then paraded us, (almost all in tears) to the checkout lane. All of the cashiers glanced up from what they were doing as we walk by, giving me the "please not me" look. I paid for the groceries, and had made it to the parking lot. Everyone stopped crying. Brayden giggled from the bumps of the pavement all the way to the car. He had the biggest smile I think I had ever seen him have. Addison was content and sleeping now, still just precious still in all of her newness. I smiled and put them in the car. MISSION COMPLETE.. KIND OF. Wow... what a trip. I called my husband on the way home. I told him I bought milk and diapers, but we still needed to go grocery shopping. I am pretty sure I sent him to the store that night with a list.

My shopping trips nowadays aren't nearly as difficult. Or maybe I am just accustomed to a little bit of chaos. We have our meltdowns from time to time, but we deal with it and move on. I don't care who stares or comments. It is much easier to take someone with you. Single moms.... kudos to you. To always go it alone... you are stronger than I am. I almost always still go to Crest if I am alone. It is just more manageable. I need to go to the store today. I think I will wait until my husband gets home. I have found the easiest method is the two parent, two cart method!

Valentines Day

I have a love-hate relationship with Valentines day. I love everyone expressing their love with gifts and I have to admit that I love the Valentines cards and candy hearts themselves. I bought my babies their Valentines day things and I honestly can't wait to give them to them! They are only 1 and 2, but who doesn't LOVE stuffed animals and chocolate. I even got them each a box of valentines to color for grandma, aunt, their little friends etc. I got confetti cake and red and pink sprinkles to make a cake.... and I already have a heart-shaped pancake dinner planned! It is going to be great and I can't wait!

We are making Valentines Bags at work and have them displayed on a wall at the hospital. It is so much fun! Co-workers and our little patients have already started filling the bags for the people that they love. I get all giddy about it.. I LOVE every moment of it. I absolutely LOVE arts and crafts and I have great memories of doing this in school, and as an adult... it is still fun! These bags bring back so many fond memories, but they also bring back to mind the unnecessary pain that Valentines Day can bring. Oh the competition of it all. I remember sitting in school watching the other kids get flowers and balloons delivered to school. I knew my mother couldn't afford it, so it didn't bother me that much. She cared for us just the same. They would look around, with all eyes on them as they opened the card, blushed and displayed it for all to see at the corner of their desk. This only worsened in middle school and high school as we all wanted desperately to be in a couple. Everything surrounded who's boyfriend did what, and who had the best/most romantic gift... you would wait all day to see when it was going to happen. The school even had fund-raisers where you could pay $2.00 to have a special valentine delivered to your friends. I always had a boyfriend for valentines day and I remember feeling the competition between coupes. I can only imagine the feelings of those that were single for Valentines day. IN MIDDLE SCHOOL!! Yes I am serious! And it is almost like we were taught to feel sorry for them.


I sat with my husband talking about our Valentines Day Plans... He knows I will be "One of those mothers" that always sends something for them to the school. And the truth is I will be... I want them to feel what I didn't always get to feel. I want them to know that I love them and that I am always their biggest fan.... and I LOVE doing it! I will cut their sandwiches into hearts and leave them notes in their lunch (not only on valentines day) and do anything that I can to let them know that they are special to me. I want them to have a good self-esteem; although it is a little silly that a holiday can play so much into it. Being a mother now, I can't help but think about the kids that get left out. It takes me back to my first (and saddest) memories of Valentines Day. First Grade. We spent all day making our valentine boxes for our party later that week. They went onto the backs of our chairs. We all got lists sent home with us with each childs name on them, I remember buying Valentines and sitting at home filling them out and putting so much thought into which friend was going to get each one. Then I got to Chris. No one liked him. He smelled bad and no one played with him. I didn't want to give him a Valentine. I remember asking my mom if I had to give him one... even crossing him off of my list of people to give one to. Of course she said that I had to give one to everyone or I couldn't bring any at all, so I picked out my least favorite and gave it to him. I remember writing my name really messy because I didn't want him to think that I liked him. How awful! Tears fill my eyes now as I sit and write this. This is someones baby. I can't imaging how I would feel if I were his mother, or how I would feel if I were him. Chris didn't get as many Valentines as everyone else did at the party. He looked sad, but never said anything.... and neither did I. I remember being glad that I contributed to the number of Valentines that he did get, but also hoping that he couldn't tell that it was me that gave it to him. My little first grade heart just didn't understand at the time. Your early experiences set so much for you in life. I hope to teach my children compassion... to love everyone because Jesus does. I can't imagine being so young and living out life in a world where no one shows you any kindness. 


I never knew what happened to Chris. He moved away and it was almost like he was never there. But he is here with me now... a memory that is shaping the way that I choose to parent. A story that I plan on sharing with my children when they are older. I only wish that he knew now that I care. I may not have then... but I do now. And I am sorry.

Raising People

I am almost constantly thinking about the upbringing that my children will remember. There... I said it out loud. It is almost overwhelming at times. Every tradition, every family meal, even bad experiences, I worry about what they will "get" out of it. I LOVE my children with all of my heart. I love that people say out loud to "cherish these times" and that "they grow so fast" because it is so very true. I try constantly to be present in every moment. --- not that that always works-- but at least I try and remember. I am not sure when raising children changed so much, but maybe no one was saying it out loud. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me... period. They give my life meaning, and purpose. I want them to remember many of the things that I try so desperately to give them.This is probably the biggest reason that I want to move back. Some of the greatest memories I had as a child were simple walks with my grandpa or just being outside in nature. (things that you can't exactly have where we live right now, and I really don't want them to miss out on them)  One of my greatest fears is that my children will be those adults who blame everything on their childhood. I mean how many people do you know that had messed up childhoods? Please no... not my babies. It amazes me how unfair some children have it. Some parents could not care less what their children's experiences are... even though we have almost complete control over most of it.You can't help but just shake your head sometimes and think " poor thing doesn't have a chance."  Even at work (at the hospital) some children are so protected and love, and others have no one. I want my babies to feel loved, every day. To know how much they mean to me and how much joy they bring to my life. I want them to remember great things from their childhood and wonderful warm loving things about mom and dad and grandma and grandpa etc. I think that many of the things that are wrong with the world are from people not showing their love daily. I believe that God gave us children so that we can experience innocence and unconditional love.